I've been getting lots of spam recently from people bending over backwards trying to sell me a certificate of education. Well, "bending over backwards" maybe overstating their commitment, but they are backwards. Take this example for instance:

SUBJECT: Need a Univeersity Degree to obbtain the career you’ve always wanted? Greetings martha!. There are no demanded tests, classes, books, or interviews ! Be given a_Bachelors, Masters., MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma. Earn the dreams and applause_that comes with a.diploma ! No one is ignored Privacy sealed We work with all counrys Ring Now +1-325-204-0322 Live 7d 24 hour the Parthians, the luster of its metal tarnished, was the Eagle of might have watched an old dog soil the floor. Put him down now or time they probably had left. But they were undoubtedly privileged, as

Now, I'll be the first person to admit having some problems with grammar and spelling when I don't proofread or use a spell checker. This blog is a great testament to the silliness my revising and reediting can create. But, if I wrote as bad as this spammer, I'd ask that you haul me out back and shoot me. Also, my grammar may be less than perfect, but I'm not trying to sell you anything, I'm not trying to impress you, nor do I even care what you think of my atrocious grammar. If I wanted people to give me money for some sham degree I was offering, I may want to make it look like I was A) Educated B) Not a sham and C) Likewise not completely inept/insane.

I realize that to get passed the email filters they need to make the message polymorphic, different for each delivery. However, I charge that it isn't difficult to make something dynamic, yet spelled correctly. And what's up with the that last paragraph? Again, part of the polymorphic content, but good gravy! I'd sooner get a degree from Charles Manson's School of Business than tempt fate with an organization that sees fit to put nonsensical babble at the end of their advert. Its like trying to sell someone raw manure as a deodorizer and closing the deal by screaming obscenities at a lamp.

For those of you wondering where that phone number goes; its a number in Abilene, Texas. Its listed as belonging to Nts Communications and for the zip code 79602. I did a search for colleges in that area and none of them really fit the mark, at least not to someone who only did about 30 minutes of "research". Calling the number has some British guy asking you for a call back number.

I wonder if all spammers work by having you call an anonymous number and they call you back to sell their warez, or maybe just put your number into a WAR dialer and bother you forever with penis enlargement phone solicitations. If they all do, then I should give them all each other's numbers in a massive phone tag criss-cross that would maybe cause them to forget about the huge wads of cash in the cardboard box next to them and think about finding another line of work... I know it'd never work, but I can dream can't I?

The End