| Symptom | Present | Comment |
| headaches | yes | I've always assumed these to be caused by customers because they start whem the phone rings |
| nausea | yes | Oh... chinese buffet... I love you nearly as much as I hate you. |
| vomiting | no | I was told this was bad for me, so I gave it up |
| muscle pain | yes | You try sitting still for 10+ hours a day and not get muscle pains... |
| joint pain | yes | Being the "go-to" guy is a totaly pain in the neck. |
| chronic fatigue | yes | Though some would argue sleep deprivation due to not going to bed as the cause of this |
| dizziness | yes | Spagetti code makes my head spin |
| numbness | yes | ... I'm in a better place now... |
| tingling | yes | ...but I don't talk about *that* |
| vertigo | no | I work close to the ground |
| attention problems | yes | I'm writing this aren't I? |
| multi-tasking problems | yes | I'm still writing this aren't I? |
| word-finding problems | yes | I..... cake? |
| short-term memory problems | yes | Wait... oh yeah, yes |
| verbal and/or visual deficits | yes | Ok, so I'm ugly and have bad grammar, what's that prove? |
| irritability | yes | I mean I can't help that I'm ugly! Criminy! |
| anxiety | yes | At any moment that phone could ring... any... moment... |
| lack of motivation | yes | I did almost not post this article... |
| temper | no | I'm rarely tempered |
| loss of interest | yes | Though I don't really care |
| sleep disturbance | no | You have to sleep to have it disturbed... Beside Big John keeps waking me up with work. Phsaw |
| blurry vision | yes | I need glasses |
| double vision | no | Does it count if you're two faced? |
| buzzing in the ears | yes | Big John! Stop that! |
| decreased co-ordination | dsf | IU cAn;t ytpev ery wqell |
| speaking | yes | I *do* in fact speak. |
| eating and swallowing disorders | yes | I eat (and thusly swallow) way too much |
| seizures | no | Though when bugs crawl in my ear, I do some funky dancing. |
| inability to speak | no | This is kind of contradictary to the speaking symptom, isn't it? |
| balance problems | no | I'm sitting down |
| tremors | no | Minnesota is pretty stable in that regard |
Conclusion: Based on the number of yeses, I'd have to conclude I'm near death and should be sent home to play video games promptly!